Video and Phone Counselling

My book Life Beyond Drama by Karen Sparks can be purchased on amazon.ca.






A bit about what I have been up to:

It has been over a year since my last blog.  I have been quite busy with work and some further personal/professional studies so I took time off from writing this blog for a while. I am and will always be continuing on my own journey and so that brings me to new and deeper understandings/knowing all the time!  Yes, for those who have asked, I will continue with this blog and you all know that I am very fond of recommending reviewing and rereading what is already here!  Also, you may purchase my book at amazon.ca and if you do the exercises in the appendix or read the book and journal along with it, you will have plenty of material for your self-study … or as some yogis and yoginis call it - Svadhyaya.


Seeking out counselling … Support?  Guidance?

I always (and have always - ever since I started my work) get quite a lot of students and people coming to see me for counselling for issues in relationships and family dramas.  I call them dramas because all of our difficulties or challenges in relationships and families tend to be dramatic in nature.  Emotions and mental states are exaggerated... out of control...escalated....energy draining, intense and always full of story.... deeply rooted stories from our histories. Unraveling these things takes work and some time, but the personal rewards are priceless.

Having had my own share of stories and dramas, I know from a deep inner place that self-reflection and personal/spiritual synthesis work is of great value during challenging times.  When I work with others, I draw from not only my own years of experience from my own personal/spiritual journey, but from the academic as well as alternative studies I have engaged in experientially myself and then in private practice working with others.



Why do people seek out counselling or what I like to call soul counsel?

Sometimes simply because they feel like the picture to the left here.








Why else do individuals and couples seek out counselling, psychotherapy, analysis and so on?  While most of what I see and hear from people involves relationship and family challenges, people often come to counselling for major life transitions, dreams they find challenging to understand, symbols that come up in their lives which seem to want to tell them something, a realization that patterns are repeating themselves and they want to understand that more deeply.

Sometimes people just come for support during a difficult transition or a major life-changing decision process.  Often, repetitive health issues bring people to the realization that stress is underneath their symptoms and that things are coming to the surface that they desire to clear out and/or gain perspective on.  Sometimes people tell me that they are simply desiring CHANGE... and they really do not know how or where to begin that.  Whatever the reason is, if you felt the call to reach out for counselling and are reading this now, then perhaps you will resonate with what I am talking about here and take the step to see what may lie ahead on this next step of your own journey!

How I work:

Working both personally and spiritually has been my focus for many years as I see our lives as a balance in progress between various aspects of ourselves.  I consider myself more 'universal' in my spiritual perspective and beliefs, and so I work with people from various spiritual and religious understandings.

'Universal' to me means that which includes possibilities for further deeper understandings as we grow and mature over time... leading us to evolve, expand, develop deeper intelligence with wisdom and unfold as all that is around us does the same.


To overly-identify with either the physical or the spiritual can lead to imbalances... so I do not encourage glorifying the spiritual over the physical or the physical over the spiritual.  In order to be here fully in the world as it is with all our relationships and work/other commitments, I feel it is vital to engage with our physical existence and in order to evolve and reach our potentials, we work with our spiritual aspect as well.  Seeking balance in the mental and emotional body is just as vital.  All things affect one another and so in the end, I always find that the 'Work' we do in sessions and in my own life always comes back to working on ourselves in all our aspects … mental/emotional, physical and spiritual.



If you are seeking counselling (or soul counsel as I like to call it), I work with individuals in the Niagara region of Ontario but also work with people via video and phone counselling.  This mode of counselling has become very popular these days and is a great way for busy people to get the assistance they want or the privacy without having to travel.

To find out more about me and my approach, visit souhlcenter.com  


My approach includes:

Both an academic as well as an alternative/spiritual/energetic approach to counselling. See my website souhlcenter.com for credentials etc.

Focus is the individual's journey with assistance in working to higher states of consciousness which leads to many shifts in our inner and outer world.  Non-judgement, compassion, support and respect are key in my approach.


A journey of a personal/spiritual synthesis (or as I like to call it: working  on a personal/spiritual path as we journey through life).

When individuals are interested, I can offer tools which include:

Creative work (art, writing, poetry), dreamwork, meditation, guided imagery, conscious connection and relationship with Self, intuitive reading, exploratory intuitive tools like various artistic divination cards and I-Ching, empathic listening and story-telling, body-work and movement arts, breathwork etc.

Working towards a 'workable balance' is always key with me as well.









I can be reached at 905-933-7162 or you can e-mail me at souhlcenter@gmail.com or simply go to my webpage and follow the contact prompts there.


Fees

My fees per hr. session are $100 plus HST and I accept e-mail transfers.

I have been working with people and assisting them on their journeys since 1993.

Blessings to you in all you do!

Path of the Warrior(ess), Natural Healer and Priestess/Spiritual Guide

Path of the Warrior(ess), Natural Healer and Priestess/Spiritual Guide

I was doing a blog topic every month until January 2018, but was so busy last month that I did not do my topic, so I decided to place this topic here and do two this month. 

I already have a page to the side here on this blog about this Path I walk and teach, but received more questions on this topic ... "a spiritual/mystical path" and how I have worked along this line.  There were questions like ... do I still practice... how is it a life-long path... how do these different aspects of the path work...etc.  In addition to reading this topic today, in which I talk a little about how I walk along this path, read the page to the side of this blog which talks about it more as well.

This path and its tools are very practical... the path itself is also mystical... it is both.

Once I got on this Path, I never stopped my on-going studies, training or my personal practices.  This is now 25+ years since I first embarked on my personal/spiritual journey.  I tell you this so you know I walk my talk... continue to learn and to do my daily 'practices' ... or what some yogis or other people may know of as 'sadhana'.   I have a daily practice always ....even when it gets tough as it sometimes can ... which is also different for all of us.

I have had my own share of traumas, challenges, dark woods and difficult transitions.  The tools I have found and have been taught work for me.  Find a path that works for you and walk it ... even when it gets tough - especially when it gets tough...


The Spiritual path I walk is the Path of the Warrior(ess), Natural Healer and  Priestess/Spiritual Guide.  I spent over 10 years ... hours a day ... 6 days a week in classes training in Kung fu/ Chi Kung and its philosophies/healing.  Once my teacher stopped teaching, I continued to develop myself in this Art by reflecting and continuing with my own practices ever since.  So my core studies were in the philosophy, healing and the movements of what my teacher called a Kung fu Chi Kung Life System, as this is what I studied most and have never stopped learning or 'walking in this Way'.


Now, it is so integrated into my life that I see it as a lifestyle.  At first we learn, then we practice, then we simply live this Way.  To me, though, I never stop learning.  It keeps me on my edge and I experience that there is always a deeper place to go or another layer of understanding or 'unveiling' ... whether it is on the physical, mental/emotional or spiritual aspect of our 'Being'.


I spent time with other Movement Arts and master/teachers in order to expand my understanding of these movement-oriented Arts and was interested in their relation to one another.  For many years I also studied, continued to work with various healing modalities, and worked with individuals on their healing journeys as a part of my Natural Healer training.  I spent many years in 'Priestess studies'... developing this aspect of myself and learning how to apply these things to what I already do.  These three aspects are all inter-related and part of the same Path.  Once you walk it, you experience this for yourself.


These three areas are not something we 'reach an end to'...like my Kung fu/Chi Kung and Yoga practices... which I integrate into my every day.  They are all on-going and lifelong learning aspects.  They all relate to one another when you walk a spiritual path of this nature... they integrate very well when done in a certain way.


On the Path I walk and teach, the Warrior/Warrioress, Natural Healer and Priestess/Spiritual Guide... are aspects we develop and continue to master over a lifetime.  Walking and learning in this way through life not only offers me tools with which I am able to assist myself during challenging times, it enables me to assist others as well.


As the page I wrote already on this blog (look to the side bar) on The Path of the Warrior(ess), Natural Healer and Priestess/Spiritual Guide, these three aspects are things we learn in an on-going way... they don't really separate in the end, they integrate into a whole, and we can see how they interconnect and truly are a part of each other and ourselves ...all through the training.  Even if we may spend time focussing on learning along a healing line or a priestess line for some time, we are still doing all three at the same time.

Yes, I have spent many years and much of my time doing these things.  You can walk this path to the degree and depth you choose to.  Depending on how you walk it (as well as your own unique characteristics as a person), you will attain various levels of understanding and attainment.


I highly recommend walking a Spiritual Path as a tool for those who have experienced trauma... but truly for anyone, as the benefits are too numerous to describe! 

So many times I tell people... find a path that works for you... yes, the path I walk is a true path... no, it is not the only one.  Simply be aware of whether your path or 'Way' is working for you or not.  In order to determine this, you can ask yourself what you desire to attain through Walking a Path .. then, after some time on it, ask yourself if you are attaining that.  If not... ask if you are walking it as it was taught ... if so, and you are applying things as taught consistently for some time but you are not getting the results you were looking for, then it may not be the true path for you.  Also ask... 'am I realistic in what I desire to attain?'


The path I walked involved studying several different paths... but they all were applicable to my core Path.  Anything I studied was always interconnected to the Kung fu/Chi Kung Way of the Warrior(ess), Natural Healer and Priestess.  I saw how everything I did and studied related to this Way.  The path I took involved various studies which led me to understand the common roots of all true paths.  If you find one 'true' path and walk that way deep enough you will also come to know all 'true paths' and what they have at their core.  The point is to go deep enough in order to get to that place of understanding and experience.  It is a very personal thing. 

Some of us seek out the truth via the 'many ways to the one'... others go from the 'one way to the many'.  In the end, if we walk a true spiritual path, we can get to the same 'place'.  I use the word 'true' to emphasize a path which will lead you to where you desire to go when you were first seeking it out...


Right after my previous blog this month blog went on, I received some questions about a 'true spiritual path'... I will write more on this one day but I came back in here and answered you briefly...


Yes... as some of you have already noted and told me about from your own disappointments and experiences... some places will not take you where you thought you were going!  These places are not what I call a 'True Spiritual Path' ... very likely due to the fact that the ones teaching it or passing it on never got to the place you are looking to go in your journey.  It may also be that you are not able to move further due to some place in which you are stuck personally.  Keep going.

Some paths are 'diluted' ... this can also occur when those who learn to a certain point and then go out and teach have not attained the same level perhaps as that original 'path' once had.  Then this continues to dilute more and more and more as those students go out and teach as well.  Most of these 'paths' have many wonderful things to teach ... however, this is now generally speaking and often ends up being diluted to only physical or basic mental/emotional tools and techniques... they may lack some important aspects which are needed in order to move deeper. 

Paths of this sort can take you up to a certain point in your development... and this may be a great way to start... but if you are seeking what I am referring to, you will eventually plateau and then begin to ask once again "Is this all there is to this Way?" 

One of the benefits I gained by maintaining a deep core 'Path' while also studying other paths, is that I learned a great deal about 'paths' from first-hand experience.  I went deep enough in my own work that I could easily see the 'problems' in certain places due to experience.  For example, I began to be able to know when a teacher said something that was not accurate, and could see how this then got passed onto other unknowing students who passed on the same inaccurate statements.  I was quite shocked, but realized quickly that this is human nature.  Look around... inaccurate information is passed on everywhere... from beliefs to inaccurate facts and so on.  Spiritual paths are no different.


This is why discernment is a very  vital ability to develop... But this is so unique to the individual.  You will know this when you begin to question it yourself.  Not everyone does, of course.  It's just the way it is... very individual... always has been. 

"You can lead a (dehydrated) horse to the water, but you can't make them drink." 

Trauma and 6 things you can do to assist yourself

My book is now available for purchase on amazon.ca ... The title is Life Beyond Drama by Karen Sparks.  Thank you so much for following and being patient while I wrote it... I had other things going on and it took longer than I initially wanted it to!


Trauma is a word I am hearing so much of in these last several years.  Surely, trauma has always been there throughout recorded history.   In the past three years, I have been getting a larger number of questions around trauma.  I have also noticed that more books have been written about it and programs are being created to assist people who desire to heal from these things.  We are simply focussing in on the word 'trauma' more now, so it seems to be the 'new thing'... but to many healers, counsellors and others who work closely assisting people along in their journey through life, trauma is not 'new' at all.

Any shaman, 'Wise One', healer or priestess/spiritual guide knows from experience that 'traumas', challenges, difficulties etc. are always at the root of our deepest mental/emotional ups and downs, angsts and troubles in our daily lives.  We knew this in ancient times and we are no different today.  We simply are defining these things in new ways and many more people are coming forward ... facing their  stories, histories, traumas and being far more vocal about them than in recent generations.  Given the amount of material available on this topic, most people interested in personal/spiritual growth know about this as well.

Most individuals tend to 'keep a stiff upper lip' and we have a strange habit of working to 'keep up appearances' of being 'fine' when in fact most people are not truly seeing/feeling/knowing themselves as they really are (and, even less what they have the potential to be).  This is due to heavy conditioning of personal belief systems as well as social and personal behaviours which come from our families and the various social circles and cultures we are brought up in.  We develop our patterns in this way and then these patterns are passed on from generation to generation.  When it comes to 'knowing' who and what we really are, it can be extremely difficult sorting through the various 'buffers' people have in seeing themselves as they really are.  Then, when we add trauma into the mix, it adds extra layers to sort through.



Part of our dilemma today is that we are too quick to medicate, numb, alter our consciousness ... any state we may be experiencing ...other than one of what most people would define as 'normal' (or like to think of as 'normal').  We still tend to not want to feel the 'bad' stuff and are ever-so-quick to do whatever it takes to 'feel good' again... often really meaning to get back to feeling good as quick as possible.  This, in itself, is not a 'bad' idea... it simply has consequences when it becomes something we do as a habit... We can't clean up the 'muck' if we can't see it first.  This is why 'positive thinking strategies' do not work in the long run when they are used to cover up things which need to be dealt with.  I could say the same for mood-altering drugs (prescription included), alcohol, food, technology, escapism, workaholism... any addiction pattern.  We 'escape', self-medicate or seek out prescription mood-altering meds due to our pain; but are we seeking out healing or understanding of ways in which we can alter our lives for the better now?


This blog topic is prompted by someone who recently asked me a question when we were discussing trauma and the effects it has on our lives.  I was talking about how it can also keep us from a deeper relationship with our own 'Essence' ... I was then asked what someone could do if they had experienced trauma and desired to heal...  I told them, then, that I had experienced traumas in my own life and that I could say quite truly that I would advise them to do what I found worked and still works for me.  I want you all to know that I am not talking from a textbook... I am talking from experience:


1.  Awareness of the trauma or inner/outer state of self

First be aware that you have experienced trauma(s).  For most people, a little self-reflection triggers memories and experiences of trauma(s).

Yes, people repress trauma...  what some people might say when they do this is... 'I know... but I can't really remember... it's like a blur'...

In severe cases of PTSD, people even get flashbacks of the trauma(s)... trauma interferes with their life so they seek out ways to suppress these memories (most of these ways do not really help if they are covering it up... it will create new problems like addictions and eventually one may have a breakdown anyway).  They are actually the way our inner landscape tells us that we need to heal and seek assistance.

Other people do not look at trauma at all and will say (even indefinitely) that they never experienced any trauma at all... when in fact they have.  You might be surprised to know how many people do not remember things... yet these things do create some chaos in various ways in their life.

Inner state of self... meaning being actually fully aware of your fluctuating mental/emotional states and being able to identify them... talk about them...feel them... understand them, work with and  transform them (which you can learn to do)...

Outer state of self... being aware of how various trauma(s) show up through and in your relationship dynamics (I call drama patterns) body, breath... chronic health issues... body weight issues (fat is a way to hold on to things too... like the earth energy which can accumulate mass ...weighing us down and when we don't transform the energies, we 'pack it on' instead)... body armouring...

There are some excellent books on trauma... read some or one if you feel you want to understand it better... but reading alone only assists us with some understanding... it does not do the work... it's like the book I wrote on Drama... I wrote it to inspire people to understand and see their own dramas in order to take the steps to actually do something! 



2.   Coping tools

First... understanding the coping tools you may use which are not healthy or not working very well...

List all the ways you personally avoid looking at the difficult things... or the trauma

Secondly... Seeking out and learning to apply things which would work... they are out there!




3.    Support

Asking yourself: "Are there any people in my life who support me ... understand me... stand beside me in challenging times without labelling me or distancing themselves from me in difficult times?  Is there anyone around me who challenges me to be my best self and encourages or even pushes me at the right time to overcome a limiting way of being?"

If you have a good support system, be grateful and nurture it!

If not... ask where you might find guidance or a mentor or make new friends... sadly, many people do not find the support they may want from family... or even from those who are the position of assisting them or guiding them...and this can definitely add to the already challenging effects of trauma... Keep looking until you find the right place/person for you.



4.  Honesty and Self- Reflection

Being honest with yourself about everything... no rose-coloured glasses... not watered down versions... the real story.  If the real story is too much for you to face alone, get assistance from someone who specializes in trauma.

 Distinguishing between what we do to ourselves as a result of our own shortcomings
(which may take time to see and understand...be patient with yourself and honest) ...

....and what we are experiencing as result of being around things we have no control over... external factors like behaviours in family members (or anyone else in our lives), work environments, group/organizational or political situations, accidents or natural disasters etc.

I have much more to say about this topic and may write an up-coming blog on it or discuss it deeper in my next book.



5.  Walk a Spiritual Path ... walk this Path for the rest of your life ...always learning and always evolving... no matter what you experience along the Way...

This works well for me and is what has been one of the best tools I have ever had.  I am not talking about a cult... or an escapism method... or a religion (though a religion may work very well for some people)...  For me, the spiritual path I walk offers me the tools I need and can apply as I continue on my own journeys and transitions in this life.  This path and its tools are very practical... the path itself is also mystical... it is both.

Once I got on this Path, I never stopped my on-going studies, training or my personal practices.  This is now 25+ years since I first embarked on my personal/spiritual journey.  I tell you this so you know I walk my talk... even when it gets tough as it sometimes can ... which is also different for all of us.

I have had my own share of traumas, challenges, dark woods and difficult transitions.  The tools I have found and have been taught work for me.  Find a path that works for you and walk it ... even when it gets tough - especially when it gets tough...




6.  Nature

Immerse yourself in Nature.  Connect and develop a relationship with All That Is .... inside and around you.  Breathe in fresh air... consciously soak in the rays of the sun a little bit... appreciate the beauty that exists right here and right now in these quiet places.

Take day trips... go somewhere quiet and beautiful and hike, camp or simply sit for a while... photograph... walk a dog....paint...whatever...

Nature ...being in Nature... communing ...communicating with its various aspects....or simply just 'quietly being' with Nature is a part of my path... always was a part of my life even as a child and before I knew what a 'Spiritual or Mystical Path' was. 


This poem I recently came across says it quite well ...and I feel is also suggesting a real tool we can apply anytime we feel 'out of sorts'... or 'not quite ourselves'...

The Peace of Wild Things .......by Wendell Berry



  When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come to the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief.  I come to the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting for their light.  For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.



Barriers to Enlightenment

Today's blog will focus on barriers to 'enlightenment'. 

First of all many people perceive the word 'enlightenment' differently and have different inner definitions or understandings of this word according to their own readings, discussions with others, inner points of view or perspectives and so on.  So what does 'enlightenment' mean to you?  Not the topic for today... I am addressing a question I received which I have been asked so many times I decided to write a bit about it... it will be addressed more deeply in my next book. 

My book is in print... so it's coming... thanks for asking and waiting!!

So... this is why old stories of teachers agreeing with the various views students would have might seem a little strange.  It isn't... you will perceive things according to your own level of being...whether it is right or wrong.  It could be right for you because of the level of being you are currently at and so therefore you may be unwilling and/or unable to perceive it any other way...so it is the right way for where you are at... but not necessarily the right way in the larger view... or what some call the 'Greater Reality.'

So here are some barriers to 'enlightenment' ... by the way, they are the same for attaining 'Mastery'... (again something many may define differently)....



Imagining there is no such things as various 'levels of being' and that we can 'work' to evolve in a certain way....

Some individuals feel that to talk about 'levels of being' implies then that certain people are then 'better than' others and so therefore their view they hold within them is that we are all exactly the same inside.  This is ego talking...  popular clichés .... misunderstanding at best... lack of direct experience as well.

This view suppresses and disputes the very necessary fact that in order to grow and evolve spiritually it takes WORK and that something very real takes place when we do 'certain work'.  It also reveals that one does not really understand what we are made up in 'Essence' and how that can be worked with.


Self-importance...

"I know better... I already know these things... I have nothing to learn from you... you are wrong... this is not the right way to do things"   ...and on and on...many fancy, humorous even, distorted, 'political' ... views which one is unwilling or unable to let go of or even see clearly how one is...

In self-importance one's ego is very rigid, stiff, inflexible and difficult to penetrate .... one keeps going in the same way imagining one will get the results one is seeking which have not been coming... and yet one is not willing to open up to what would work...

It is very difficult for one in self-importance to see this, as it is highly unconscious and often would shatter the person's cherished view of themselves and likely the reality around them... something very difficult and fearful for them.

Imagining one has nothing to learn ... or that one is at a certain place internally or spiritually when one is not... not being able to take the ego shattering and so holding on to one's idea of oneself  discounting any feedback which may show one where one really is.


Cycling

Rather than seeking out new ways, one stays where one is and cycles around with the same 'ways' without truly shifting... on the outside things may appear to be altering when they are not...

It may take years for some of us to even realize we have been going around in circles... ending up in the same place again and again...


'knowledge' with a small k

One has more 'knowledge' than Knowledge... more information and thoughts than direct practical experience....

We have supported information and knowledge over true Knowing, Wisdom and experience...



Distortion of teachings

We frequently misapply, misinterpret, distort and misunderstand various principles and teachings...philosophies.  Sometime we then imagine they do not work well ... or at all.  If we are not applying something in the right way we can't expect results.  Furthermore, when we do not realize we are distorting, then it is difficult to do anything about it. 

I write about this in more detail in my book, as it is a major factor in relationship issues as well.




Lack of discernment

We truly desire to grow yet are unable to tell the difference between the myriad of things offered today in a society which sees the need for personal/spiritual growth and yet is full of places which work with us on the surface only. 

This is fine at the beginning... to go deeper we must find deeper...if we can't perceive deeper then we stay surface.



Comfort

We are creatures of comfort, pattern and habits... and tend to migrate towards things which do not push us, challenge us, shatter our illusions and encourage us to be our true potential.  Many of us do not want to work hard... in the various ways we may have to in order to get to where we may want to... both personally and spiritually.



Self-doubt or doubt that there is a 'Way' to get there... or something called a 'Way' at all...

Doesn't this explain itself?



Trauma...

Some people who have experienced trauma do not do the work or seek out the assistance they could to embark on their own journey ... trauma is a sad reality... we speak so much of it these days and it is a real barrier for some of us who do not take the necessary steps to seek out assistance...

Trauma creates so many inner barriers to things which could help us... I feel so much compassion and empathy for those who have experienced various traumas, but I encourage those who do to seek out the right place for them to work through these things.

You can do it... you have to see it for what it is and then desire to do it first.  I speak from experience.  I have been through various traumas myself.  Facing these things were the only way I ever got to where I am today... so this isn't lip service... I have been there... more than once...  There and Back again... like the hobbit story in the Lord of the Rings.

 To be brave you do not have to actually feel like you are brave... remember that. You can feel scared as hell and yet take the steps you have to take to get to where you want to go.



There are other barriers to 'enlightenment' ... or to experience the 'Greater Reality'... these are the ones I find most challenging ... one's that have kept many capable people from moving forward in ways they claim to desire.



Another Question....

I am adding the answer to this question because it is simple and I do not want to write a blog topic about it... although it could be a good one...

Question:   Are you saying there is only one 'Way'.... or that the way you were taught is the only 'Way'?

No.... I am laughing now... why?  I once asked the same thing...  remember I have had more than one teacher...Spiritual guide...Master...whatever you want to call them...my intent was to look more deeply into human nature and the psyche and spiritual paths ... religions... healing... enlightenment etc. etc...

True... as one of my teachers once said to me: 'Some paths will not take people where they want to go. Some do not know this.'  ..... but my note on this is that this is not for me to decide for you...


I studied various paths.  My 'Way' I walk is not the only 'Way' ... it is the only 'Way' I know because it is the 'Way' I walk and it has worked for me. 

What I did learn...walking in the 'Way' I have and experiencing various paths and teachers, is that there are certain core teachings...methods... ways of doing things that work... all these teachers and paths did these things...a few in slightly different ways... but in essence they were the same principles at work.  These are what I do myself ... they work for me... and I teach them to others now. 

If you walk a 'Way' and it works for you... keep doing it!  If not, seek...

Balance and Harmony

"In contrast to rigidity, tension is not good or bad. It has to be present at the right time and in the right amount. There is nothing in the world where yogis say there should be no tension at all.  The right amount will keep all of your energy in your body.  Too much tension is aggression.  Injuries come by aggression... aggressive movements... too little tension is weakness."  BKS Iyengar



I like this quote by Iyengar because it is balanced. 


I find that we sometimes misunderstand balance when it comes to the principle of yin and yang... whether in movement or in our own personality and lives.  Working at balance and harmony is a true journey in itself!





We often take philosophical gems or personal/spiritual teachings and quotes and warp or distort them unknowingly.  Today, I want to stress the importance of reflection on ideas and concepts and working to really get a feel for when we do warp or distort.  This, of course, is hard to see at times due to our own internal buffers to seeing things as they really are.  Having said that, it is up to us to discover where or when we may be distorting something... I will use the example of yin and yang as one idea we tend to misunderstand.  Perhaps, as an exercise, you can reflect on other ways we distort, misinterpret, take out of context and misapply certain teachings.


While we are working to reduce the excess amount of tension in our bodies, minds and emotions ... we would not be well advised to release any and ALL tension, when that is not really the point.  Similar to body tension, in the way the above quote mentions, I have also found that there are often various misunderstandings about how the energies of yin or yang manifest and play out in our lives ... feminine or masculine tendencies ... excess or deficiency of these energies... and our ability to learn how to effectively work with these. 


 People in certain circles tend to promote certain energies ... one over the other.  Some tend to veer towards the yang side... others to the yin. We, as individuals, have a tendency towards one side more than the other as well.  When we reflect on ourselves, we can initially find this in differences between the two sides of our bodies... but this can show up in a variety of ways... including in our personality tendencies, thoughts/emotions, food choices and internal meridian system.


When there is an imbalance with too much of a yin tendency, we might experience things like apathy, depression and/or internal weaknesses of various sorts which can also show up in various behaviours.   Aggression can show up here, but it would be more subtle ... passive-aggressive and manipulative for example... our energy can be too open and we leak it out everywhere.  We may find it more challenging to have healthy boundaries placed up or we allow in so much of what is around us in fear of judging or labelling that we can absorb energies which can be detrimental to our well-being over time.   This, of course, can be quite unconscious.


On the other hand, if we are imbalanced with too much yang, we hold ourselves from opening where it may be beneficial to doing so and it may appear as various forms of outward aggression or an overly-external or forceful focus.  This can show up in posture, tone and other outward behaviours.  People find it easier to see and label a more yang form of aggression as compared to the yin form which expresses aggression in other ways.  A person who hits a wall or expresses/swears loudly (more yang) is just as aggressive as someone who is subtly passive-aggressive, negative and manipulative or quietly discounting (more yin).  The point here, is that like the above quote on tension, where people tend to misunderstand 'tension' ... and can either experience too much or too little, we also do the same with the terms 'yin' and 'yang'.



Some practitioners of various movement Arts believe that things like squats, jogging (if you do jog, please do so on sand or in the woods ... concrete is known to be too hard on our joints over time), push ups, martial arts (punches, kicking and fast movement) etc. involve or promote too much tension (or that they are excessively yang) and that Arts such as 'marital arts' of various sorts are aggressive.  Well... they can be... and many are ... but they are not all always taught that way... it depends on the school and then on the individual and how they apply the teachings. 


In the style of Kung fu and Chi Kung I learned, balance and harmony and working with yin and yang was always taught as one the keys as well.  Moving fast or moderate or slow... punches...kicks and forms performed at various speeds need the proper balance of tension and relaxation... and all at the right time!  Life is like this too... we don't always experience the same energies; life is fluid, shifting and changing like the wind and other forces in nature/universe and within ourselves.  This is inner work ... and no matter what Art you do, it takes time to understand and then learn how to apply these things in the 'dojo' and then in life itself wherever we are.



Like the above quote on tension, Yin and Yang are truly deeper teachings with multi-layers of application to life and are often misunderstood.  Sometimes, due to the fact that so much in our world has tended toward the more Yang side, we overthink it and move to extremes in Yin (we even do this with foods... eating too much yin food can create an excessive yin condition).  This will not assist us in balance.  Yin or Yang are not good or bad in themselves... like tension is not good or bad... it depends on what we mean when we are talking about it.  


We even do this with the two hemispheres of our brain (left and right).  Due to the heavy focus on the rational and thinking processes, some circles put down the rational and thinking 'mind' in favour of the intuitive, creative and spontaneous 'aspect of our mind'.  This leads to various imbalances too!  We have both sides and there are benefits to developing both...working towards this balance is directly related to how we work to balance yin and yang and the two sides of our body in movement arts as well.  They are related!  When we are skewed towards one side more than the other, it is up to us to seek out ways to develop the other aspect of ourselves; and yes, this is possible.  We can develop more skills this way and have at our disposal more ways of responding to ourselves, those close to us and the world around us.   In balance and harmony, we use the appropriate energies at the appropriate times ... as well as combinations of the two when required. 


Mastery is being able to work well with balance and harmony (which is always shifting and moving like the symbol up above... it is not a destination where things will become perfect or static... so we are in training to learn how to master the ability to flow with shifts and changes while maintaining the highest integrity of balance and harmony we can... don't label it - just keep working with it).  It's more about  developing the ability to work well with these energies ... one...or the other... as needed. It is not about one rigid method/mode of being ... as the above quote suggests... rigidity and tension are two different things. 



Kung fu, in the style and teaching I learned, was taught as a balanced Art.  As well as being a Spiritual Path, if that is what one is desiring to pursue, it contains both soft and hard style of training... it is both internal and external.  It teaches how we can, with proper application and dedication over time, balance our polarities... our bodies ... our internal organs and various systems.  It contains healing tools, breath work, fitness, cardiovascular training, strength training, flexibility and moves the body in all aspects.  It is not completely linear or imbalanced in its focus. 


Aggression is not meant to be a part of these teachings; however, various individuals can take a teaching of this sort and bring their own aggressiveness or imbalance(s) into it.  I wrote a blog some time ago on anger which has a good story about a snake in it. We sometimes imagine that anger itself is 'bad'...anger is an energy... it is neither good or bad...it is what we do with the energy that counts.  "Using your big voice', as I am known to say, can be the thing to do ... depending on the situation. 


Kung fu, Chi Kung and Yoga ... taught in 'traditional' ways were always about balance of our lives reflected in our energies ... balance of our two aspects... two sides... yin and yang again.  There are also various phases of our lives where we may find ourselves spending more time in one aspect or another.  We may also find various imbalances come up when we swing too far into one way or another.  Sometimes we experience more of one energy than another... eventually we (hopefully) find or discover that we have to work at balance on a new level or in a new way.  It is a dance ... cool...warm...cold...hot   yin...yang... seeking and playing with balance and harmony in our Personal/Spiritual Arts and within our own lives... inside and out. 

In the arena of health and well-being the principles of yin and yang are used as well.  Acupressure, diet via food choices ... as well as working with our internal psyche ... working with any of these things involves the same look at the balance or imbalances of these energies. 


As always, seek to Know Thyself better.  The next step is to work at developing areas you are weaker in... develop skills which can assist you to balance out your life in a more whole way.  This can be applied in so many ways!

Two Stories About Mastery

Feminine symbols... what do these images
 suggest to you?  What do you know of these
images?  Imagine entering this scene ...
 spend some time there...
how do you feel?

I had a question this month about feminine energies, feminine power and symbols.  This picture is for you.  Reflect on it and then we will discuss it further...send me your ideas and feelings and then we will speak directly.

This month's topic will be two stories which came from some questions and an interesting conversation I had recently.










I also heard a statement a young yoga teacher made and I cringed silently.  The comment she made was that there is no 'advanced' level ... movement ... or practitioner.  There is a strange 'movement' out there.  I am not sure who started these misconceptions, but there seems to be a lot of these sorts of ideas in mainstream schools. 

Many teachers with beginner or intermediate levels of understanding and experience say things which they either have no experience of themselves or that are simply not true at all.  I know they are repeating ideas or things others have either taught them or they have heard, but some of these things are rather ignorant.  We must see these things as they really are if we will have the opportunity to truly evolve in these Arts.  This is why, in the past, individuals at these levels never taught... we are soooo diluted today in the Spiritual Arts.  I'm known to be one who tries to spread the word that 'physical arts' and 'Spiritual Arts' are very different from one another.  This is the same whether it is in Karate, Kung fu, Chi Kung, Tai Chi and Yoga today.

Let's not take away the physical benefits they do teach well.  Some of these teachers teach great 'physical therapy' accurate movements and it's great for recovery from injury, general relaxation etc... 'Spiritual Movement Arts' are something else entirely... and they use movement too.

But here, today, I am speaking about a 'Spiritual Art'.

Yes, there is such a thing as a beginner, an intermediate and an advanced, and mastery level practitioner, teacher etc.  Anyone who teaches you otherwise is misinforming you and supporting your ego that you are in the 'same place' as an advanced practitioner or seasoned artist (if they are in fact still engaged with the work themselves...always) of whatever path, occupation, or movement art you may be involved with.


To imagine you are at the same place as someone who has walked a path two or three times longer than you have only feeds your ego!  To imagine you are a Master of energy work because a certificate given to you after two, three or several years of study says so is only another ego feeder.  These Spiritual Arts take work, time, effort, reflection, experience, study and then one day one works with 'Mastery'...which even then means a whole new realm of things to learn has now opened up and one is a beginner all over again!

Let's use the Art of Carpentry as a way to look at this deeper...

If we begin to learn about Carpentry, we are truly a beginner.  After several years of study... even if we are pretty quick to pick things up, we still do not have the experience of a seasoned Carpenter... a true 'Master of the Art of Carpentry'.  We may be an amazing quick study, but we are still a beginner.  After some time, with continued work, we may become an intermediate Carpenter...with some experience and perhaps deeper sets of skills; however, we are not reaching 'Mastery' yet... 

Is there such a thing as 'Mastery'?  Absolutely.  After much time and experience, and an open mind to continue to learn and evolve and expand... even learning from beginners and others in various similar trades.... learning from our customers and our work created to date, we may reach a certain level of 'Mastery' in the Art of Carpentry... if we are able to self-reflect, see clearly and refine ourselves.   We can now look back and feel humble yet proud of our journey and accomplishments... without self-importance or egoic pride.

At a 'Mastery' level, we realize that we have skill; yet our humbleness enables us to realize that we have not 'arrived...' and we continue to work, cultivate ourselves and evolve even further.  At this point along our path (if we are one who continues to work at it... always learning...), it would be absolutely ridiculous to compare our self to a beginner or an intermediate student or teacher of carpentry... but WAIT... we all have things to learn from ANYONE... and this is the place where this idea comes from.  We are NOT all at the same level... however, we do all have things we can learn from ANYONE.  A Master can learn something from a beginner; however, this does not mean that the beginner or the Master are at the same 'level of being' or 'place' in their evolution of their art...career...whatever.

One things is sure...some carpenters do not grow or expand or evolve... they learn their initial work and then get to a point where they do not grow or learn from there.  This 'Master' is not the same as one who is open, fluid, shifting, changing, evolving and continues to learn from others (even beginners!).  So even teachers and 'Masters' are at different 'levels'.  This is a very in-depth topic and I will leave these thoughts here for you.

One last idea and question for you... does every student interested in carpentry have a 'master within' that they only need to connect with in order to attain 'mastery'? What do you think this is all about????  To imagine that this does not require 'hard work over time' for most every single one of us is one of the greatest lies out there. And no... it is not the same time for all of us to attain this 'level'.


Comparing a spiritual path to a physical one.... walking and evolving on a path of this sort...wondering about Mastery... is easier to understand if you use the metaphor of a skill such as Carpentry.   In essence the 'walk' to 'Mastery' is similar no matter what you work to 'master' in your lifetime.  Some people are a quick study... or can create or move well pretty quickly... this does not equate 'Mastery'... as it was referred to in the older Spiritual Arts.  Sadly, much is lost and has been obscured in this arena.   


What you imagine 'Mastery' means and your internal definition you use for this word affects your perception.  What does it mean to you?  Can you expand your ideas on it? 

It is the same for many things.  Our ideas and definitions...beliefs...attitudes...egos... affect our perceptions and control them.


So I promised two stories...

Master Beginner 1

A practitioner of Kung fu felt he had attained Mastery (a lot of these old stories are of men...isn't that interesting...but that's another topic)... There are older stories of women but these come from our patriarchal recent history...even though they are centuries old......

This man could do anything his teacher could show him and then eventually he began to teach others.  After many years, winning trophies in tournaments and teaching others to high level of skill, he began to fall into apathy and felt despondent about his Art. 

He had heard many stories of attaining spiritual heights and the supposed 'gifts' this path would illuminate and 'enlighten' the student with at 'Mastery'.  These things seemed to elude him.  He felt his teacher was holding him back and that he was not progressing there any more.  When he left his teacher, he remembered that the old man shook his head and complained that he had not yet reached the point of travelling alone... but he did not agree ... nor did he understand why.... he was insulted and left... thinking his old teacher to be a fool looking to grasp onto him for a lifetime.

He began to fall back on his old ways... ways he imagined he had been done with since his early life as a very young adult.  One day, in deep despair, he decided to search out another teacher.  He travelled far and came across an old man who was known to be a 'Master' and asked him to teach him how to progress more in his Art because he felt despondent and had fallen away from his path. 

One day he  finally found the old teacher.  The old man took him in and asked him his story and what led him to search out deeper teachings.   After the old man heard the story, he took him in and made him promise to stay for a year. 

Every day the teacher beat him with a bamboo stick across his limbs as the man practiced and showed him what he could do.  All the teacher kept saying was 'no...no...no'.  He cursed to himself every day...wondering why he bothered to stay and put up with such abuse.  In his mind he cursed the teacher and imagined he was crazy himself to be doing this and putting up with these things. 

One day, after the usual routine of being insulted and beaten... and being told he had learned nothing and was doing everything wrong, he felt as though he was on the verge of either beating this old man or slipping into insanity and walking away from his path completely.  Suddenly his mind went blank and all thoughts disappeared completely.  For the first time he saw this old man with joy in his heart and an open mind.  The old man smiled, put him in horse stance and walked away.  He did not return for four hours. 

This went on every day for over six months.  Sometimes when the old teacher returned, he would get the usual beating with the bamboo stick.  He struck him the same way and in the same exact places each time.  The old man never spoke to him...only placed him in his stance and walked away.  One day he came and sat to watch for the entire time.  At the end of the four hours the man was shaking, crying, coming in and out of his stance and drenched in sweat.  He smiled and said to him 'Now, you may begin.  Return to your teacher you told me about and tell him you are finally ready to learn.'


 My note... There are several subtle gems in this story.  Most people discount these types of stories' deeper meanings.



Master Beginner 2

There was once a school of Kung fu led by two Masters.  These masters travelled around the local village to collect potential students.  After picking out their group, training began for many years.  There was a young man in this group who fell in love with the Art very deeply.  This man was taken aside and trained separately from most of the others... there were only a few of them who were worked with in this way. 

Over time, they began to discuss amongst themselves why this was happening.  One of the students spoke up and said "Haven't you noticed? We are the smaller ones.  We are not as muscular nor as accomplished as the others.  Look at how they are practicing and the things they are being taught.  They kick better, smash trees and leap higher than us.  They are being taught special things that we are not.  We are the failed ones.  We will never be as good as them."  The young man, passionate about the Art, fell into depression.  Though he kept coming, he secretly struggled to do so.

Due to his love for the Art, the young man persisted in his training and never quit, but his heart was heavy and his dreams crushed.  One day, many years later, the two teachers called upon him and his group to join the other students.  They were asked to do certain things all in the group together. While the athletic group excelled at many of the things asked of them, the young man finally got his answer to why they had been separated from the start... the other group was athletic, strong, physically inclined and external practitioners... his group had been learning about the deeper aspects of the Internal Art along with the External ...and were able to do certain things the others could not.  Seeing these things for himself for the first time made his heart leap with joy.  He never questioned his training again. 

Many years went by.  As he progressed, he realized where the real training was and began to quietly apply the gems he realized he had been given... things he did not even realize he had been taught all along.  Although many were already considering him a 'Master', he secretly felt like a beginner all over again, but was grateful for being given the chance to see what that had the potential to mean for him.


 My note: There are several gems in this story.... one to keep in mind is that many things may look the same on the outside and be something else entirely.  Both groups trained in the same Art... depending on how one is taught, and how one is on the inside, one will walk away with something else entirely...

Can/Do People Change? Is change really possible?

If change were impossible,
 butterflies would not exist.
Source: unknown



 

I have heard and seen a few things recently which triggered my interest in writing this month's blog topic.    These things related to change... how people can change... how people never change... what is change?...can people change? 

I received a question about change recently as well.  When I decide on a blog topic, it is usually because of questions I am asked or I experience a similar theme that keeps popping up in conversations etc.  This month it was all about change.



The first thing I came across was a discussion I overheard while out one day.  Two people were talking about someone they knew.  This conversation was about a potential relationship.  One of the people were talking about how much the person of their interest had changed.  The other one was warning the first person ... saying they ought to stay away from this individual because of past issues they both knew of.


The first person came back with a question: "Don't you believe that people deserve the benefit of the doubt?"  "After all", they continued on, "people can change."  The second person came back with: "Well, that may be what you believe but I think that the more people say they change, the more they show how much they are still the same... just give it time.  If you get involved with so-and-so, you will regret it."  Their conversation went back and forth like this for a bit and then they moved on.

I found myself reflecting on this conversation.  Of course, I did not know who they were talking about.  But something about the whole conversation bothered me.  After some reflecting I realized it was because I felt they were both right and yet they were both stuck on their one view only.

I have worked with many people over the years in relation to personal shifts and changes... both inner and outer.  The theme of transformation, transmutation and change has also been something I have worked with in my own life.  I have found both things to be true: people change AND people cycle around attempting to change or claiming to be changed when, in fact, they are still doing the same or similar things (which end up producing similar results in their own lives and in the lives of those around them).  Well, then, which is true for us?  Can we change?  If the one person was right, why would we ever bother to try?  If the other was right, perhaps we would see more people around us actually transformed in more clearly obvious ways.

The second thing relating to this topic was a bumper sticker I saw that claimed everyone changes all the time ... and it was suggesting that this change is always for the better.  I found that sticker too cliché for me.  I do not like clichés ... we sputter out one-liners with smug illusions of actually being able to apply these things ourselves... or we offer a one-liner to someone in transition, pain or grief when what they may really need in that moment is space to feel what they feel... or some actual physical comfort and empathy... or maybe a kick in the pants if they have been wallowing in emotions for too long without allowing them to flow out.... or maybe advice to seek out assistance if they are unable to get out of a difficult place.  A one-liner can come at the right time (so don't take what I am saying too literally... it simply depends on the situation and the one-liner as well) ... but for the most part we can do nothing with one-liners but agree with them and then walk away in the exact same psychic space we were in before we heard it.  Most of the time nothing changes. 

One-liners won't change us... attending classes or spiritual places won't change us (though they can inspire us, encourage us to self-reflect, model things to us etc.)...neither will reading a book... no matter how good it is... APPLYING things to our lives in very direct and practical ways CONSISTENTLY can assist us in change and transformation/transmutation.


The common metaphor for transformation and change is the butterfly.  When we reflect on the actual process of this transformation; however, we see that the butterfly does not appear the same afterwards, yet it does have an element of its former self in its new appearance when we observe it closely.  There are distinct stages that the 'now butterfly' has gone through before it actually emerged so different than what it started out as from day one.  These stages involve 'cocooning' and intense bio-chemical alterations which occur on the inside.  It is not a simple process at all.  It is very natural...not simple.  The kind of transformation or change the caterpillar experiences is unique and dramatic... having very little to do with what we normally mean when we use the word 'change' so loosely.

Using our words loosely (the way we do for the most part)...  using cliché one-liners.... imagining we have changed when in fact we may only be in a new day doing pretty much similar things we have always done ... none of these things equate to the change or transformation we are talking about here.  Deep meanings and spiritual truths become common day expressions we may use ... losing the depth of what these things can really mean for us on a totally different level.  But then, many things we say are like this.

So if one-liners and illusions that we are actually changing don't work, what does? Reflect on these things for yourself and see what sorts of ideas arise for you.  The bolded points are things I have heard about change recently.  Use your own life as a reflection...


"Haven't I changed already?  Every day and every moment is new and so I am not the same as I was even yesterday."

Of course this is true... physically and even superficial mental/emotional shifts have occurred without you doing very much at all.  The real question is what type of change are you really referring to? 



"All of my life experiences have led to how I am today. I have really changed so much and we all do.  We all grow and learn so much from life and become better people from our experiences.  We naturally evolve.  Change is inevitable."

What I have experienced working as long as I have in my field and listening to people's histories, family histories and stories is that the real question to ask is... Have these changes been for the better?  Perhaps they are and perhaps they aren't... or maybe a little of both...  Are the changes you feel you have made truly there or is it simply that your situations have shifted and you still carry your patterns with you?  Look at your journey to date and make your own observations. 

Within individuals, it is true that sometimes... some things... remain the same...always.  It could be a behaviour, a thought pattern etc.

Sometimes, due to prolonged stress, abuse, traumas etc. some people 'shut down', develop chronic anger patterns, internalize negative emotions and chronic negative thinking patterns, get ill and stay chronically ill most of their adult life... sometimes you would not recognize someone because they were so open, friendly and excited about life BEFORE they became an adult.  Sometimes people's dreams die ... apathy, depression and feelings of futility crush their hopes for better times.  Hopefully, something triggers a person in this state to 'wake up' and embark on a journey out of this sort of place.  It can and does happen ... people can change ... do change ... and have changed.  And no... not everyone 'changes' out of this sort of state of being... but the potential is always there.

Other times, due to prolonged stress, traumas and other challenging steps along our journey in life, people open up more... work at altering lifestyle habits or mindsets or perspectives.  Sometimes individuals work hard ...cocoon ... undergo intense shifts ... and engage with challenging process of transformation...emerging like the butterfly... brilliant and new.


The whole idea of 'change' is a vast topic with much depth.  Many books have been written about this idea of change... and how to change ... and why people do or do not change etc.  Today's topic is intended to stir up some of your own reflections on this... my experiences have led me to see that 'change' is a very individual thing.

Change is possible... and yes, inevitable in every moment.  We are changing... in many ways.  Consider what 'change' might mean to you in your life right now. Do more than read about it or pass on clichés.  Engaging with change requires action, self-reflection and diligent consistent application of things that work.  One thing is certain... change involves work.

The Subtleties of Addiction ... and a note about Adversity and Trauma

Balance and Control

When we reflect on addictions and how they affect us in our lives, it is useful to use the images of balance and control.








I like to remind people that the use of the word 'control' here is not to be interpreted as control over anything but the various energies moving within our own self... even then, the word 'directing' is likely a less perceptually loaded one!

Today's blog, as a result of some really great questions from some of you, will look at this in greater detail.

'Control' has taken a real beating in our language ... most of the time, when we hear this word, we imagine things like controlling others or attempting to control everything around us.  However, to place our energies into either of these things is a waste of our own opportunities for growth ... we often find it is futile to focus so much on these external things as compared to working from within our own self.

'Control' in the realm of addiction is also a myth.  People attempt to control their addictions when they begin to realize that they are, in fact, addicted... only to eventually (hopefully) come to see that this is not possible.   Lack of true inner conscious choice and control is at the root of what an addiction is all about... and when we realize this, it is a great place to begin to understand our inner motivations, conditioning and deeply rooted addiction patterns... as well as our many behaviours that go along with these things.

I like to look at the lighter side of the word 'control'. For example, we are often told to 'control' ourselves.  If we feel angry, for example, and feel the inner urge to call someone an insulting name but consciously choose not to... we could say that we are controlling the inner urge to do that.  In this way, we can see that 'control' is not used here in its 'darker' sense. 

If we have the awareness of our inner urges and 'direct' them into other healthier forms of expression (consciously), then we are learning to 'control our selves'... I like to say that we are then learning to 'direct the various aspects and energies within our self'.  'Consciously' is the word here.  Many of us are conditioned to behave in 'nice' or 'socially acceptable' ways.... however, when the pressure builds we often find that this leads to an outburst or a quiet rebellion of some sort (for quiet people this is often some sort of unconscious passive aggressive behaviour)... addiction is not far behind this.  So in this case, there is no true 'control' or 'direction of inner energy' because all behaviours are unconscious, conditioned and pretty predictable when you get to know the person well enough.

Recall, as well, that I have stressed the point about the myriad forms of addictions in our world today (see list below for potential forms of addictions).


It is useful to consider how to define addiction.  Here is one way: 

Any activity or behaviour which removes one from the 'Reality' in the here and now and the ability to confront and engage with that 'Reality' in accordance to one's own true nature. 

One's life becomes 'unmanageable' in an extreme case of addiction ... which is usually the form we are most familiar with.  Addictions do not always lead to this severity and yet can still be an addiction.

An addiction leads one to suffer, eventually, in some way and/or can potentially (and usually does) contribute to the suffering of others around them.  Many times this is due to the fact that the person is simply 'not available' to their significant others when they are, in fact, involved with them in everyday life.   For example, an addict may not be 'present' emotionally or mentally around others in their significant relationships - this is especially vital in situations where people rely on them for support, household contributions (doing their part in various ways), and nurturing (energy exchange and intimacy are two examples here).  Children, family members and spouses are often the most affected by addictive behaviours and patterns. 

An addiction prevents one from being 'fully present' with whatever is before one... it is usually the first thing an individual turns to when adversity is present... and family patterns, trauma and/or stress and adversity are usually at the root of how an addiction pattern is initially started.

Some individuals avoid family members, certain people, places or groups not because of their own addictions, avoidance or dysfunction but to avoid the addictions, dramas, negativity and unhealthy patterns within these people or places.  Remaining involved in toxic or dysfunctional environments can be draining and individuals in these environments are often not interested in real growth, clarity or self-reflection.  The veils of illusions to clarity of self-reflection are quite thick in our world. 

Expecting perfection is not the road to take... expecting a willingness, and an openness to self-reflect is.


Potential forms of addiction:

Various food groups ... meat, carbs, sugar etc.

Drugs... esp. prescription drugs these days... a very sad reality

Alcohol

Tech .. excessive use of tech...gaming etc.

Relationships and groups (here including various religious, spiritual or even political belief systems etc. when they are warped) ..... and the various unhealthy patterns within them (ex. Co-dependency in families and relationships .. or even groups). 

Sex ... and any related things to this when out of balance and harmony.

Sports and addictions to 'working out' ... due to this socially acceptable potential addiction it is useful to return to the above definition.  There are many athletes and active people who would not fit this category... it can becomes an addiction when the criteria above are met.  These individuals use working out as an escape from delving into feeling what they are feeling... they tend to have a 'hard shell' around them and feel very little...with very rigid belief systems to back up their behaviour.  This is not to be confused with individuals who work out or engage in activities/behaviours for healthier reasons and are surrounded by unconscious, ill and negative people who do not support their growth and development...or their own.

Various behavioural patterns can also become addictions.  For example, avoidance patterns, anger, distancing, lack of intimacy etc.  In these examples, an individual is 'not available' when their addiction is triggered, they are simply 'not there' even when 'physically' they show up all the time.


Note:  There are many things which others may consider an addiction and which may NOT be one.  We have to be careful when judging or making an assumption about someone and what he/she may be doing.  Unless we can gather all the information and understand the 'story' and know the bigger picture, we may either dismiss a true addiction pattern or assume that one is there when it may not.  

Like the old saying goes: 'Unless you have walked 1,000 miles in someone's moccasins, you know them not'.  This is a great way to remind ourselves about judgment and assumptions when it comes to others... and ourselves.



Adversity and Trauma

I wanted to make a note about adversity in our lives.  There were a few questions around adversity and addiction.  You were RIGHT!  Adversity and addiction are definitely related in various ways.  Trauma and addiction... even more so.

Stress is a common factor in this fast-paced, techy world we live in.  Stress has been present in our lives throughout history... in different ways according to the times... it is the same with trauma and adversity.  We have not seen times where any of these things were not present in one form or another. 

'Trauma' is a word we have been hearing a lot about lately.  We are looking more deeply into personal trauma and how it affects our lives and so it shows up everywhere these days.  We experience various traumas in our lives... on multiple levels... but most particularly in our families of origin.  We also experience adversity in many different ways in our lives.  We gain and lose relationships.  We change jobs and have various educational concerns.  Many feel the stress of attempting to stay current in a world full of fast-paced changes and newness. Illness, traumas, death, cancer, inheritance issues ... political, financial and housing situations... I have heard it all.  Within these situations, an individual is faced with various forms of adversity. 


Here comes the words for today's blog ... balance and control... When we are not battling with addictions, we tend to find it easier to access or to feel this inner place of power (we are empowered) to cope with adversity in life.  We feel the balance and control we have over our own inner moving energies and aspects of our self and are able to either bring forward the needed inner skills and resources to cope with adversity or seek out assistance in order to do so.  We may feel tired, sad, overwhelmed, angry or even defeated in various moments; however, these feelings are acknowledged and faced as we continue to move forward.  These feelings are not something we get stuck in for long periods of time... or deny... or repress... they are felt and 'worked with'.  On the other side, when we are addicted ... stress, adversity and other challenges we encounter along our many journeys in life trigger us into addictive patterns.  The feelings which are present within us are often denied, repressed, suppressed or wallowed in for long periods of time like a negative feedback loop.


Addiction, adversity, trauma, stress and the many ways in which we can cope with these things... this blog topic is soooo enormous it could be a book in itself.  There ARE books on this!  You can either seek out some great reading material on this to further your understanding or to have a support resource ... and/or seek out the counsel you may realize could benefit you in moving forward in your life when addiction or coping with adversity is something you can see is creating chaos and havoc in your life.  Reading alone is only a step along the way... it can assist you in many ways... true change; however, involves inner work.

Blessings, light and love along your journey...

Souhl Center's Private Training and the Spiritual Arts of Kung fu, Chi Kung and Yoga

Happy Spring everyone!  As you all know by now, it is time to cleanse.  I hope you have already begun to do so, but in case you have not, you can begin now.  Your liver will be so happy as it regenerates and cleanses!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soon our fruit trees in Ontario will blossom...what a beautiful sight!  Get out for some hiking, painting or photography.  Smell the fresh air ...visit the water ...

 

MOVE...BREATHE!

 

 

 

Update on book project: it's in the design phase at the publisher!  I know you have waited a long time but I did warn you that there have been other things on my priority list.  Thanks so much for all your interest and for hanging in there waiting for it to come out.  I am in no rush so I don't have a release date yet.  There will be another book after this one with a different focus...I have already been collecting my notes, ideas and thoughts for it for some time.

 

Blogging commitment...  I have decided to write once a month here in this blog until January 2018, so come back frequently and remember that there is so much material already on here... we all know how we tend to forget to apply things.  We read, say 'oh yeah,' and then we move on. Remind yourself of things by re-reading various topics and see how much you can apply directly to your life.  That's when the real magic is seen.

 

 

 

PRIVATE TRAINING AT SOUHL CENTER:

If you are considering private training here (or future classes/training), or want more info on how we differ in what we do here, this topic today is for you...  Stay tuned for our new location coming in 2018.


In all the sessions we do, private or group, we are working to free the flows of energy in the body... we are freeing our selves.   We Work on all aspects of our being and move into the areas that are challenging for us - whether it's mental/emotional, spiritual or physical.  Generally speaking, we are conditioned to move away from what is uncomfortable for us... physically, mentally/emotionally and spiritually.  This creates many splits within us ... we cut off vast amounts of our experiences in reality and all this avoidance leads us away from who and what we really are... not towards it.  We do the opposite!


Many people train in various Arts, work out, go to the gym, lead active lifestyles etc.  What is the difference between that and the Work we do here?   In many gyms, the focus is on the 'external only'.  Most of them, depending on what is going on in the particular gym,  pull people even more outside of themselves.  What do I mean by this?  


As one example,  look at the modern day gym ... there are T.V. screens set up for people to watch as they are working out, and sometimes there is a lot of conversation between people as they are moving their bodies.   This splits the body from the mind, rather than bring these things together with the spirit ... and moving as a 'whole'.


We Work to unite body, mind and spirit.  Distractions are minimized ... our attention is drawn inward ...  leading to different results.  These results will depend on the individual's level of being, and magnifies with consistent Work (done in a certain way) over time.  While we do use explanations, discuss philosophy and healing principles, and learn a great deal, we also spend time moving inwards quietly... which increases over time as one moves deeper into the Arts taught here.  That, being so very key, is also so very 'individual' ... in so many ways.   As many of you already know, I encourage people to set up a training routine on their own...


Going to a gym or training in a mainstream school and working externally can have some benefits physically, mentally/emotionally and so on ... it is certainly better than sitting most of the day.  What does this do for us overall as a human being?  It depends what we desire.  What is it you desire when you are seeking out a school or place to 'train'?


There are so many different types of training and moving Arts out there these days.  While these offer many benefits for the individual, we must use wisdom and discrimination in choosing what we wish to study and devote our life energy into.  If we want to work on ourselves and improve our energy levels and physical appearance and general mental/emotional stress, there are many things we can engage in which will certainly assist us with these things.  When we wish to study an ancient system and delve into its spiritual richness ...  now we are talking about something else entirely.   This is what was originally meant by body, mind/emotion and spirit balance... there are keys to this.


Many martial arts schools, yoga studios and other arts are available today for the public to choose from.    There is, due to a dilution factor, fewer schools which engage one in a way which will bring one deeply into traditional internal training or Spiritual Work.  This is not to say that they hold no value ... one must simply be clear and aware about what one is really doing and what one desires to attain.  You are free to decide that for yourself... decide what you desire to attain and seek that out...



At Souhl Center, in your private training sessions, we Work deeply, set up your sessions according to your own level, and offer you the foundation tools with which you can continue to progress for the duration of your personal/spiritual journey.