My book is now available for purchase on amazon.ca ... The title is Life Beyond Drama by Karen Sparks. Thank you so much for following and being patient while I wrote it... I had other things going on and it took longer than I initially wanted it to!
Trauma is a word I am hearing so much of in these last several years. Surely, trauma has always been there throughout recorded history. In the past three years, I have been getting a larger number of questions around trauma. I have also noticed that more books have been written about it and programs are being created to assist people who desire to heal from these things. We are simply focussing in on the word 'trauma' more now, so it seems to be the 'new thing'... but to many healers, counsellors and others who work closely assisting people along in their journey through life, trauma is not 'new' at all.
Any shaman, 'Wise One', healer or priestess/spiritual guide knows from experience that 'traumas', challenges, difficulties etc. are always at the root of our deepest mental/emotional ups and downs, angsts and troubles in our daily lives. We knew this in ancient times and we are no different today. We simply are defining these things in new ways and many more people are coming forward ... facing their stories, histories, traumas and being far more vocal about them than in recent generations. Given the amount of material available on this topic, most people interested in personal/spiritual growth know about this as well.
Most individuals tend to 'keep a stiff upper lip' and we have a strange habit of working to 'keep up appearances' of being 'fine' when in fact most people are not truly seeing/feeling/knowing themselves as they really are (and, even less what they have the potential to be). This is due to heavy conditioning of personal belief systems as well as social and personal behaviours which come from our families and the various social circles and cultures we are brought up in. We develop our patterns in this way and then these patterns are passed on from generation to generation. When it comes to 'knowing' who and what we really are, it can be extremely difficult sorting through the various 'buffers' people have in seeing themselves as they really are. Then, when we add trauma into the mix, it adds extra layers to sort through.
Part of our dilemma today is that we are too quick to medicate, numb, alter our consciousness ... any state we may be experiencing ...other than one of what most people would define as 'normal' (or like to think of as 'normal'). We still tend to not want to feel the 'bad' stuff and are ever-so-quick to do whatever it takes to 'feel good' again... often really meaning to get back to feeling good as quick as possible. This, in itself, is not a 'bad' idea... it simply has consequences when it becomes something we do as a habit... We can't clean up the 'muck' if we can't see it first. This is why 'positive thinking strategies' do not work in the long run when they are used to cover up things which need to be dealt with. I could say the same for mood-altering drugs (prescription included), alcohol, food, technology, escapism, workaholism... any addiction pattern. We 'escape', self-medicate or seek out prescription mood-altering meds due to our pain; but are we seeking out healing or understanding of ways in which we can alter our lives for the better now?
This blog topic is prompted by someone who recently asked me a question when we were discussing trauma and the effects it has on our lives. I was talking about how it can also keep us from a deeper relationship with our own 'Essence' ... I was then asked what someone could do if they had experienced trauma and desired to heal... I told them, then, that I had experienced traumas in my own life and that I could say quite truly that I would advise them to do what I found worked and still works for me. I want you all to know that I am not talking from a textbook... I am talking from experience:
1. Awareness of the trauma or inner/outer state of self
First be aware that you have experienced trauma(s). For most people, a little self-reflection triggers memories and experiences of trauma(s).
Yes, people repress trauma... what some people might say when they do this is... 'I know... but I can't really remember... it's like a blur'...
In severe cases of PTSD, people even get flashbacks of the trauma(s)... trauma interferes with their life so they seek out ways to suppress these memories (most of these ways do not really help if they are covering it up... it will create new problems like addictions and eventually one may have a breakdown anyway). They are actually the way our inner landscape tells us that we need to heal and seek assistance.
Other people do not look at trauma at all and will say (even indefinitely) that they never experienced any trauma at all... when in fact they have. You might be surprised to know how many people do not remember things... yet these things do create some chaos in various ways in their life.
Inner state of self... meaning being actually fully aware of your fluctuating mental/emotional states and being able to identify them... talk about them...feel them... understand them, work with and transform them (which you can learn to do)...
Outer state of self... being aware of how various trauma(s) show up through and in your relationship dynamics (I call drama patterns) body, breath... chronic health issues... body weight issues (fat is a way to hold on to things too... like the earth energy which can accumulate mass ...weighing us down and when we don't transform the energies, we 'pack it on' instead)... body armouring...
There are some excellent books on trauma... read some or one if you feel you want to understand it better... but reading alone only assists us with some understanding... it does not do the work... it's like the book I wrote on Drama... I wrote it to inspire people to understand and see their own dramas in order to take the steps to actually do something!
2. Coping tools
First... understanding the coping tools you may use which are not healthy or not working very well...
List all the ways you personally avoid looking at the difficult things... or the trauma
Secondly... Seeking out and learning to apply things which would work... they are out there!
3. Support
Asking yourself: "Are there any people in my life who support me ... understand me... stand beside me in challenging times without labelling me or distancing themselves from me in difficult times? Is there anyone around me who challenges me to be my best self and encourages or even pushes me at the right time to overcome a limiting way of being?"
If you have a good support system, be grateful and nurture it!
If not... ask where you might find guidance or a mentor or make new friends... sadly, many people do not find the support they may want from family... or even from those who are the position of assisting them or guiding them...and this can definitely add to the already challenging effects of trauma... Keep looking until you find the right place/person for you.
4. Honesty and Self- Reflection
Being honest with yourself about everything... no rose-coloured glasses... not watered down versions... the real story. If the real story is too much for you to face alone, get assistance from someone who specializes in trauma.
Distinguishing between what we do to ourselves as a result of our own shortcomings
(which may take time to see and understand...be patient with yourself and honest) ...
....and what we are experiencing as result of being around things we have no control over... external factors like behaviours in family members (or anyone else in our lives), work environments, group/organizational or political situations, accidents or natural disasters etc.
I have much more to say about this topic and may write an up-coming blog on it or discuss it deeper in my next book.
5. Walk a Spiritual Path ... walk this Path for the rest of your life ...always learning and always evolving... no matter what you experience along the Way...
This works well for me and is what has been one of the best tools I have ever had. I am not talking about a cult... or an escapism method... or a religion (though a religion may work very well for some people)... For me, the spiritual path I walk offers me the tools I need and can apply as I continue on my own journeys and transitions in this life. This path and its tools are very practical... the path itself is also mystical... it is both.
Once I got on this Path, I never stopped my on-going studies, training or my personal practices. This is now 25+ years since I first embarked on my personal/spiritual journey. I tell you this so you know I walk my talk... even when it gets tough as it sometimes can ... which is also different for all of us.
I have had my own share of traumas, challenges, dark woods and difficult transitions. The tools I have found and have been taught work for me. Find a path that works for you and walk it ... even when it gets tough - especially when it gets tough...
6. Nature
Immerse yourself in Nature. Connect and develop a relationship with All That Is .... inside and around you. Breathe in fresh air... consciously soak in the rays of the sun a little bit... appreciate the beauty that exists right here and right now in these quiet places.
Take day trips... go somewhere quiet and beautiful and hike, camp or simply sit for a while... photograph... walk a dog....paint...whatever...
Nature ...being in Nature... communing ...communicating with its various aspects....or simply just 'quietly being' with Nature is a part of my path... always was a part of my life even as a child and before I knew what a 'Spiritual or Mystical Path' was.
This poem I recently came across says it quite well ...and I feel is also suggesting a real tool we can apply anytime we feel 'out of sorts'... or 'not quite ourselves'...
The Peace of Wild Things .......by Wendell Berry
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come to the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come to the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
